I had a minor procedure where I had to go under general anesthesia a few weeks ago (don't freak, I'm fine, everything's fine. Really. I'm OK.)
I've always thought that since I was trained as a pharmacist, that I'd be the most prepared patient in the world. I'll know what questions to ask ("is that propofol in a 70% fatty emulsion in that glass bottle hanging on my IV pole?").
I naively thought the whole thing will go without a hitch.
Well, what I didn't expect is how vulnerable you become as soon as you change into that hideous bottom-baring hospital gown.
Nothing makes much sense when you're in that semi-sedated state, and a million people try to poke your arm and draw funny lines on your body and ask you questions you don't understand all at the same time.
So, as your cyber pharmacist friend (and someone who learned by their own mistake), I've got a few advices for you if you don't want to come out of your future surgery with your colon mistakenly removed when you went in for an ingrown toenail (or something equally tragic):
(1) READ UP about the procedure AND about anesthesia (yes, the "fun" part).
Now I assume that if you're reading this blog, you're fairly proficient with finding stuff to read on the internet. Good. Keep doing that. And if it means you'll have to miss reading my blog for a few days, it's OK, you're forgiven.
The field of anesthesiology is greatly advanced since the day of laughing gas. These days, the meds are mostly safe but invariably POTENT.
I made the rookie mistake of underestimating its power (and yes, it's even stronger than Starbucks French Roast. Pix's stolen from someone else's blog).
After being told "OK, the first injection of Versed is going in, say whatever you're going to say to your husband now, dear", and I responded with a stupid "Yeah, right, whatev....vvveeer..rrrrr...errrrr......" I was out in 5 seconds flat. (But according to my husband, I was still yakking unintelligibly the whole time. God knows what embarrassing things I said to the nurses who wheeled me into the OR...)
(2) ASK ad nauseum about anything you don't understand until you get a satisfactory answer (preferably at your pre-op appt since on the day of, you'll probably feel like you've had one too many martinis most of the time. Not a bad feeling, just not the best time to keep information straight in your head).
Remember, someone's CUTTING you open while you're UNCONSCIOUS. Ruminate on that one.
I, for one, failed to ask one vital question... it wasn't until I woke up from the surgery and felt a soreness in my throat when I realized I was intubated during the procedure (which was optional as I understood it). I mean, someone just kinda NEGLECTED to tell me that there's a chance they're gonna stick a tube down my throat in case I stop breathing?!
(3) ASK for a second opinion when the first nurse/doctor don't seem to understand what you're asking for.
I would have received an antibiotic I was violently allergic to if I didn't keep asking the anesthesiologist (one of the few who actually listened to me) why the nurse insisted it's "OK" for that bag of antibiotoic to be hanging on my IV pole. Be prepared to wrestle anyone who's about to stick you with a substance that you know may kill you (OK, I hope you don't come to that, but seriously, do double check).
I figure 3 things are probably about all that one can remember at one sitting. So, there you are! Now armed with these pearls of wisdom I've imparted on you, go forth and be the smartest patient in any future surgery ward you may find yourself in!
